I am a fat girl dating.
OKCupid drew back his bow and sent this shiny, little turd today. Dr. Brian asked, “okay, so how did you know you didn’t want to talk to him?” (Ditzy!) So here’s my bullshit decoder for this not-so-subtle fat shame message…
I read this message as follows:
I don’t want you to get excited. I only fuck fat girls when nobody is looking (and deny it to my friends and family later. We are only friends in front of other people, no matter what.) It’s the weirdest thing though, because even though you’re a fucking whale, you seem smart and accomplished and really fucking interesting. (And lucky you, you little sparkplug. I read your whole profile! A rarity for me!) Plus, it seems like you’re successful at a business I’m desperately trying to break into, so I’d love for you to teach me the ropes. (Surely going out with a fat chick for capital gains would be forgiven by my dude-bros and The Free-Market Messiah. Praise Steve Jobs! What is dead may never die!) So basically, I guess it’s mostly kinda okay that you’re fat … but really it would obviously be way better if you weren’t fat. So congrats! In my too-fat-to-date social stigma cost to benefit ratio analysis, I think probably that you can be my secret, fat girlfriend and business advisor and friend. Let’s go dutch at Starbucks?
So yeah …
No.
Not ever going to be interested in dating anyone that feels like I should have to apologize or compensate for my body. Not ever going to be interested in dating someone that sees my body as anything less than absolutely, wonderfully desirable. Nope. No, thank you.
Note: I read his profile and found it mind-blowing that he imagined he had a shot in hell with me. So you can imagine the LOLing when he lit up my inbox with this I-have-decided-it-might-be-okay-that-you’re-fat message.
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Email: coolhandblonde (at) gmail (dot) com